“Extra! Extra! Read all Read all about it! Ramen Rain at the Courthouse! Bomb Squad Called! Early this morning Sally Johnson had an appointment at the courthouse. Walking up the steps, she noticed a large black garbage sack sitting on an old bench. In light of the recent bomb scares, Sally called the police. After closing the courthouse for three hours, the bomb squad blew up the bag. Says Chief of Police Samuel Reed "It was incredible. Everywhere. Like, all this stuff. Clouds and clouds of like, top ramen noodles all over the place."
All involved had very sheepish grins. But when Inspector Bond found a note in his office later that day, he vowed to track down the Ramen Man. He isn't saying much, but it appears that the bag was placed there intentionally to make everybody look like a fool. And Houston is not going to take that from anyone.”
There is no further introduction necessary for our story today. Without further ado, we launch into the journey of Houston. A journey of concealment and discovery. A journey in which our hero rises from the midst of a bumbling government to take his place forever in the archives of history.
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Who but Houston would have thought of converting the noodle bomb event into something that would produce revenue? The large numbers of noodles that had been embedded in the courthouse after the demolition of the "Ramen Bomb” was a brilliant tourism opportunity. Although it had made the mayor and the government look like idiots, what better thing was there to discuss and look at all day long? Admission to the courthouse steps is now only $4.99!
The event, however, was the only the beginning of a long series of similar incidents all across town. These “little” incidents soon led to the ban of Top Ramen within the city limits of Houston. But fans of the Noodle Man quickly came up with unique ways to skirt the law. The whole thing became such an embarrassing situation that Mayor Eustace Hodge ordered the man to be found. "Government," he said, "should not, can not, and must not be ridiculed. Justice must be done”
The result of this resolution was the formation of the Ramen Squad, dedicated to the removal of the public menace known as Top Ramen Man. At the head of this band was Inspector Bond. Bond dedicated all his energies to capturing Noodle Man. He sat in his office looking at reports. And, every time he picked up the phone, he could be heard busily rapping out orders. Working hand in hand with the Mayor, nightly blockades were established.
Meanwhile, our hero, Fred Dunderson, was instructed to lead the intrepid Ramen squad on a search for each individual ramen noodle not already consumed. On each of these, a serial number was placed. This order, needless to say, came directly from the mayoral office. And, lo and behold, it was not surprising to find these serial numbered noodles plastered across Inspector Bond's front seat as they returned from their long day of inventorying.
Feb 18, 1992 Houston Daily News
What is the Government for Anyway? An Expensive Circus Act? Do Serial Numbers Accomplish Anything? What will Mayor Hodge Think of Next? Here's the Score: Noodle Man 5; Houston 0!
So read the Houston headline on that snowy Tuesday morning, just under a month since Episode One of the Noodle Wars. Fred, who was as disgusted as the rest of Houston with the farcical nonsense, stormed respectfully up to Mayor Hodge’s desk.
“Sir,” he said, “If you insist that I continue to carry out such ridiculous ideas, I will resign and carry out my own investigations. Do you insist?”
“I do indeed!” Replied the mayor. “One must do something in the case of an extremity such as this. And I am doing so. Go ahead and try. Alone, what can you do?”
Mayor Hodge, in case you couldn't already tell, was one of those elected for their eloquence more than for their brains.
And here we leave our hero of the story, who is indeed Fred. Shortly after the inventorying and numbering of every noodle in town, Fred signed up with >STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL< and was sent on an undercover mission to >CLASSIFIED.< To see if he could >CENSORED< and to >TOP SECRET.<
So ends Part 1 of the account of Noodle Man's Noodle Wars. Check back later to see what his mistake was, and how Fred found out who this Noodle Man really was!
